


Mirage

by fukuronofuku



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-03-28 18:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13910124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fukuronofuku/pseuds/fukuronofuku
Summary: Nishinoya Yuus' life has changed drastically at the age of 7. That is precisely when his mothers' drunk advances began to take physical form and when he met Tanaka Ryuunosuke.





	1. (Prologue)

* * *

_-Drop-_ The constant sound of tiny water droplets hitting the sinks' surface resonated throughout the empty room. _-drop-_ The leaking faucet ever unrepaired, _-drip-_ the dusty shelves eternally collecting dirt, _-drop-_ the old photos that have long forgotten their colors -drop- and the sound of glass being broken against his dazed head, blood stained back, his bruising limbs, _-drop-_ overtime have become familiar to the boy, leaving  only the no longer vivid shadow of his mothers' once warm smile, _-drip-_ the scent of her freshly baked chocolate cookies filling the small, cozy kitchen, and the nearby living room as they were just being taken out of the heated oven, the gentle yet resolved strokes she placed over his ruffled hair, _-drop-_ seemingly love and compassion keeping the space safe and careless, beloved memories that once made up the existence he called home, diminishing more and more as days passed and nights took their place in turns. _-drop-_ As it was the young boy couldn't bring himself to recall the fateful day on which all he had known thus far has fallen apart in the matter of seconds. Regardless of how hard he tried, nothing would come of his hardships and countless attempts. And to him at some point all of that turned hopeless. A life without a purpose, with no sadness, lacking joy. His cheeks hit by tears just as the sink hit by drops of water, heart covered in dust no different from all the cupboards, his vision and perspective lacking all and any color, lifeless pictures in his brain. Pictures of his mum's finished beer bottles, her bony, long fingers tapping the broken wooden table, just as out of tempo as she was out of any other sign of life. Ms. Nishinoya, was a ghost of a human being, a ghost of a woman. In both her appearance and behaviour she reassembled a maniae the most. Not a human, just a frail shell, a possessed body without a soul. She was an artist relations manager for a record label all the way over in another prefecture. Despite the long distance and longer if possible working hours, the high salary and the convenience the closely situated train stations provided made it a reasonable work choice. Taking the 6:25 train, daily she usually managed to arrive home around 8:50, mainly drinking quite the amount of all sorts of alcoholic beverages as soon as she stepped through the kitchen door. She gradually lost the wast majority of her friends among and aside from her colleagues, limiting her interactions with others to work time and the time she spent abusing her son.It was her only child, not to mention unwanted as it came to exist as a product of rape. Long years Ms. Nishinoya spent pretending to care for the child, forcing herself to believe that it would be alright, she would start loving him eventually, Oh, and how wrong could she have been, having hardly anyone to lean on, not a single genuine soul to support her, having friends in name only, the little toddler, being her sole confidant, her only family, the rest of her relatives deceased. Though the rightful punishment never fell upon the culprit, the hatred towards the boy did not fail to slowly arise and befall the child with the time going by. Nishinoya Yuus' life has changed drastically at the age of 7. That is precisely when his mothers' drunk advances began to take physical form and when he met Tanaka Ryuunosuke.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

(4th grade, elementary school, the Nishinoya household)

It was your typical Saturday morning, 9 am, noon slowly creeping in on Noya as he continually failed to prop himself up to get the heck out of bed already. The sunlight dancing in between the curtains was way too bright for comfort, the sound of the air conditioner filled the room with noisy, repetitive clacking, another great thing to annoy him out of his mind. Despite all the little nuisances, bothers and nearly three hours spent on laying in his bed doing nothing, the brunette was nowhere near finding himself capable of mustering up the will to get up. -Well great, yet another lovely day to spent entirely on nothing.- he thought as the following hour went on this way until he apparently couldn't take it anymore and the anger did the getting up part for him. This time he managed not to trip on his way to the bathroom, since for once, last night he was up to clean the floor of the mess usually taking up most of it. It has been this way ever since he could remember. The houses' exterior always spotless, anyone passing by would consider it a house of a wealthy, happy family, while the interior, the patio, living room and halls downstairs aside, was completely disorganized and hardly ever taken care of. The way the house was, was actually a perfect reflection of the way their locators have always been. Eternally putting on a show, as if they were actors in an endless play. A whole load of make-up, some fake, plastered smiles every now and then, that empty laughter, good manners was all it would take to create the finest exterior appearance of a happy and whole family and model citizens Ms. Nishonoya and her son have never been. What a joke. The whole thing was way too ironic to let Yuu contain his bitter chuckle at the very thought of it. While he finally finished his morning routine and moved on to making breakfast his mother was still laying over the kitchen table wasted. As he finished he placed the two plates over that table and began to dig in. When it comes to preparing meals, doing the dishes, the laundry or most of the chores in general the boy was usually in charge, mainly because his mother was either overworked or hungover for the most part. Truth be told, he honestly did not mind. He had plenty of free time, it was still elementary school after all. Since it was Saturday in a couple of hours he would be coming over to Tanaka's. Before that he had volleyball practice of his choice at the nearby youth center and the violin lessons his mom did not bother to resign him from. He guessed she preferred it when he was out of her sight, away from home. So he did not oppose, which in either case probably wouldn't do anyone much good anyway. He knew fairly well just how no good he was for his mother, over the years she has made it as clear as the sun to him. Still he just couldn't end his life as long as at least one other person wanted him there, possibly would need him in some way. It was the least he could do the repay the kindness Saeko and Ryuu showed him. Maybe if he'd manage to do so any quicker his mother would be free earlier, finally at peace again.

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

(6th grade, elementary school, the youth center)

-Nice serve!- the shout of encouragement echoed across the training hall as the strong, resolved push of the leg muscles threw the boys' entire body in the air, arching and bending his torso right before his stretched out hand missed it's target by mere centimeters and took Tanaka with itself, putting him completely of balance, causing a loud thud to once again fill the air with noise as if it hasn't already been overflowing with tiny buds of sweat dripping from the players' bodies, the repetitive, high pitched noise all the balls made as they went in contact with the floor or the particles of dead skin not seizing to flake and fall all over the place. -Dang it!- That of course had to be a sound effect articulated by no other than Tanaka Ryuunosuke as he concentrated the rest his efforts on figuring out how to put himself up from the position his sprawled out over the parquet body found itself in. Not surprisingly all of his attempts ended up in vain. -Ughh...!-...-Arghhrr...- the incoherent mumbles couldn't help escaping the blond's mouth as he kept struggling externally with his own body and the floor. Well, Nishinoya procrastinated the continuation of the game for another minute just for the sheer amusement the fall of their practice mate caused everyone to feel, as only some selected few, himself included succeeded in containing themselves from straight out bursting out laughing as the rest did. Otherwise all the hard work the brunette put into tending to the open wound marks carved into his back after the evening rendezvous with his mother , now covered in firm yet fragile scabs and yet not fully solid lumps of freshly surfaced blood under multiple layers of bandages, hugging up to the boy’s upper torso, would be threatened to go to waste, even further than it has so far. While they finally began regaining their composures, Noya walked over to his friend and helped him up to a standing position. -Who else could've tried doing a jump serve in an official meeting with no preparation or training in that direction prior to it, other than our very Saeko-junior,- The brunette just couldn't let him of with it, without just a bit of teasing. -Who are you calling Saeko-junior, Mister Not Quite So Tall, ha?- /Hmm../ he thought. Ryuu was just as quick to retort as ever. -Well, Mister Blond Bowl Cut if you prefer, the second half of the game is starting now so unless you'll hurry that sorry butt of yours back to your position, we're going to start without you. That bench is full of willing and passionate people you know.- Since he was about done with his little 'motivational speech', he headed to his position himself, as turning back to check on his friend would certainly prove to be completely pointless. He was well aware that Ryuu was now just as good as ready right back where he should be positioned. Every single thing was in place to Nishinoya as long as he was immersing himself in the sport, focused only on the goal right in front of him, making sure not to let anyone down, to keep the ball in the air regardless of the cost, no matter the consequences. He was a libero after all.

* * *

 


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

(the beginning of the school year at Chidoriyama Junior High, the way to and the interior of the Nishinoya household)

The sun was steadily closing the gap between itself and the horizon, coloring the sky with pastel shades and mellow highlights, to finally arrive at it's brink just as Yuu was about to arrive at the house's main doors and eventually disappear all the way behind this part of the globe, while the boy did the same except with the entrance. Tomorrow was the 'big day', it was that time of the year again, the lovely thought crossed his mind and as if on cue a slight tingly bitterness lingered on his tongue, leaving Nishinoya only if ever just a minuscule bit more irritated. Oh yes, the first day of basically every single beginning of the school year, equaling masses of seniors flooding the corridors with a tone of advertising posters of countless clubs and additional activities, nearly all sorts and genres of those, the suffocating air strongly smelling from over a hundred kinds of sweats and bodily fluids, the said to be 'freshly scented' deodorants, bizarre colognes, the way too stuffy perfumes, and frankly all the smelly stuff people used in order to create appearances, manipulate their view of one another, mask their true colors, just plainly fool the rest into believing their version of the image they themselves were before each and every one person. Nishinoya in a way a master of this sort of filthy trade, having honed his skills for years and years under the faultless and highly efficient guidance of his mother, was obviously no exception from that. Not willing to soon end up being yet one of those prejudiced and bitter to the core old men with nothing more to do than rant about the futileness of all effort and lack of the tiniest bits of sense and reason in life or any good in people at the age of 13 he took few steps back in his tracks of thought and decided to keep on struggling to hold on to the pitiful amounts of hope he still reserved for the human kind, mainly for the sake of people of the likes of the Tanaka's, honest in their kindness unlike most. He still had loads of new acquaintances to make, many bonds to partake in creating after all, even moreover since he would be attending a different school from Tanaka, from this term on. Another sight exited his lungs, spreading it's vapourly even then quickly beginning to diminish circle like wings at the center of the wide bathroom mirror, hiding the reflection of his ever present frustrations - his delightful face behind the smallest of water droplets, attached to the mirror – they’re just as wonderful newborns. A couple of minutes the following morning yet again proved to be just enough time for any visual signs of the brunette's troubles to disappear under the thick cover of multiple layers of make-up and a variety of band-aids, just as for purpose to lose itself before his eyes and yesterday's face's reflection to mingle with the vapour and steam, with each passing second ascending farther away from his vision. Yet again the dark circles rounding up his eyes, the crimson deformed lines, scattered over his body never seemed to be willing to leave. He wondered wherever he still even wanted them to. By the time he finished he was about ready to head out.

* * *

 


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

(the beginning of the school year at Karasuno High, Nishinoya’s bedroom and partly the Tanaka household)

Painfully bright images kept flickering before his eyes, their tremendous speed accompanied by loud and quickly played notes, one by one falling through his mind, deeply embroidered into his very core, so close yet impossible to hold onto. The melody so familiar, yet violent, every note reassembling a freshly sharpened razor, cutting into his flesh, ripping anew what was left to be torn, creating uneven blotchy lines as they trembled and shivered in a cacophony of lonely fear. His eyelids flew open as his lungs struggled to fill them self with rancid air through his labored breathing. With each second his inhales only turned more and more shallow, quickly increasing in their pace, a speeding train express of incomprehensible thoughts depriving him of oxygen. His hand covering his mouth in a desperate attempt to slow it all down, to shut it out, a petite figure suffocating underneath it’s pale white sheets. The sound of air flowing weakly into his frail body filled the little space he occupied. The warmth of just freshly drawn blood covered his bony thighs and all to quickly time began to lose its’ shape as the sheets lost their former color and his vision went funny, for him to once again lose any leftover remains of awareness he clutched onto. The hours till his alarm went off, went by in a blur of scattered dreams as Noya fell in and out of consciousness. The window door kept rattling each time the wind blew into his room, introducing it to a tiny whirlwind of cherry petals, filling the room with the calming floral scent, reminding him of every spring he and Ryuu spent together, cherry blossoms in their messy hair, mud covering their hands, eyes laughing. Once again the melody filled his mind, the very begging was so much different from the rest of the composition, so soft and gentle as it graced his ears, bringing back the warm memories of feeling his mothers embrace, seeing tears of joy slowly streaking her flushed cheeks when hearing him play her beloved sonata to her, The Devil’s Trill Sonata. With a shadow of a smile at these memories, his legs led him out of his room, leaving the bed only slightly disheveled, now also covered in all the beautiful flowers and their perfectly shaped leaves. On the other hand all the leaves and petals that pretentiously flew into the bathroom through the wide open on Tanaka’s behalf window, weren’t so greatly tolerated by Saeko. That morning sure was one to remember for Ryuu, as it couldn’t have ended with just yelling and throwing things alone. Great start for the beginning of the year, right. Now his forehead looked as if someone smacked him with a frying pan the very first thing in the morning, which in all honesty wasn’t that far from the truth. And like so their first year at Karasuno High has begun.

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

(16 years back, Ms. Nishinoya’s old apartment)

-Nghh..hah..hah..hah….ahhh! No…Yoichi, please..don’t…..please..no..aaa!- she screamed hopelessly as he tore her desecrated body open, piercing right into her, as liquified pain flooded her entire being. She could barely keep herself aware, as her posture went limp and lifeless. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say to stop the torment from following through. She lay there, her ripped of clothes littering the floor with their remains, his merciless force tearing her apart, ripping every single memory they created together so effortlessly, so simply taking away her sanity and all the dignity she used to have. Not even once prior to that day did she even begin to think that her closest friend would ever be capable of committing a crime of this sort. His once familiar and warm to skin touch turned into strong and hectic movements, staining her flesh with freshly forming bruises starting to bloom all over her hips, her forcibly pushed down waist, her bleeding with each bite neck. A frail shadow of his kind-hearted words diminishing bit by bit, as drunken slurs creeped their way into their place, the usual light smile breaking into a sickly crooked grin. That night Asuka Nishinoya was raped by Yoichi Matsushita, the person she even until 16 years after still cared for the most.

* * *

(Yuu’s first year of highschool, the Nishinoya household)

The dripping water kept hitting the base of the sink, the somewhat loud droplets slowly pulling miss Nishinoya out of her intoxicated state, after roughly 3 hours of the scrapes of sleep she managed to get that morning. It’s already been 3 years since the faucet got broken yet the seemingly annoying drips ands drops the falling water made against a flat surface have actually grown rather calming to Asuka. They were her only music ever since she stopped asking Yuu to play the violin to her, her only aftertaste of past joys of living. The carefree hours she had spent with **him** , the little inside jokes he always made, all the sweet yet never overrated words so gently gracing his lips. He never failed to sent her heart aflutter, not even once. Her smile fell at the memory of their last shared moment, his rasp lips so violently parting with her. His clothes strongly smelling of all the alcohol yet she never once before saw him drinking, never knew how much he struggled night after night to hold his liquor, just trying to be someone she would possibly eventually fall in love with in all his meaningless wishful thinking. To him she never did. He felt like an older brother with her, a sibling nevertheless, not a lover nor a partner and that equaled to being nothing to him. He craved for her, miserably so, hooked on a drug he could never actually feel high from, drowning in his own misconceptions, lustful. Still, he loved her, desperate to support her, to be there for her. He couldn’t believe how foolish of him it was to so relentlessly cling to her side, let himself feel just a bit more careless in his slow advances she, in his conviction just couldn’t notice until it was too late for turning back, too late to even say their last goodbyes. -Hhmm...- she hummed tiredly as once again she despite her best efforts failed to successfully get up from the chair she spent the early morning hours in. The silent creaks the piece of furniture made at her attempts took her aback. An old rocking chair from her grandparents’ house she used to spent her past evenings in, while nursing Yuu from her tight embrace made just the same noises, the little baby sounds Yuu occasionally let out back then aside. -Ahh- she sighted at yet another flashback from the times she thought she’d never try to think back to. It was always like that. Every single time eventually coming back to everything that even if just slightly brought her back to **him** , even her own child. It was no good, she just could not help it, no matter how many times she looked at her son, she could only see Yoichi. That fierce yet relentlessly calm complexion she could never lose recollection of, those bright chocolate irises, reflecting so deeply in her heart, his ruffled messy bangs her fingers lovingly brushed through every day and that warm, surprisingly soft laughter that took her breath away each time it made her face flush. Before she even realized she was in love with her own child. Unfortunately, love and hate weren’t really that far apart when it came to miss Nishinoya.

* * *

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "uguisu" - japanese bush warbler (a type of a spring bird)

* * *

(the beginning of the 1st year of elementary school, the nearby playground)

The loud pretensional chirping made it’s way in between the tiny in comparison to the ruckus they actually made uguisu, while little Noya walked up to the sand box in the front center of the small public park. Right after his violin lessons, throwing his instrument someplace aside and digging right into the mounds of sand, while clearly irrational seemed to be a perfectly fine idea to the seven-year old at the very moment. The strict teachers and all the sternness filling the air of the old, screeching with the slightest of movement playrooms to the brim, always left the boy gasping for some fresh air and completely careless when it came to monitoring his own surroundings. And so Yuu payed completely no mind to the dirt quickly beginning to cover both of his redened knees, nor to the moon slowly creeping it’s long way to the middle of the evening sky. Before he even noticed the clock’s hand at the entrance gate to the park reached the eighth marker, /early enough to catch a five minute bus ride home, too late to make up a good excuse for his absence/ the boy sighted at the brief thought. His mother never cut him any slack when it came to coming back home in between their appointed hours, so he could only image how angry she would get this time. Lately even the small stuff if gone wrong could all to fastly swing her out of balance, leading to some harsh words being thrown and then the curt words of apology, it wasn’t anything major after all. With thinking keeping his mind occupied he stepped out through the bus door and proceeded on his way back. Soon enough he was standing at the entrance to his house’s hall. The crisp air was cut with yet another larger exhale, lazily floating away into nothingness. Finally after the minute of hesitation, Noya reached for the door handle only to have it violently pushed away from his grasp by his standing right in front of him mother. With that hazy, wondering gaze, the scrunched at the ripe moonlight eyebrows, those lips pressed into a crooked, lightly trembling line and hair messily stickling out of the usually neatly put together bun, she reached out and hastily grabbed Noya by his thin, scrawny forearm, putting all to much force into her every move and action. The door slammed hard behind her back as she stepped inside, inching closer towards her lining the wooden floor son. /What son, tough, What bloody family./ Asuka bit her lower lip, some light crimson blood being drawn as she did so. She came to a stop right in front of the boy’s paralyzed in shock and through disbelief petite body. She then reached out in the direction of the table, her palm disappearing from the boy’s sight only to be revealed holding a large beer bottle in a matter of seconds meeting with the surface of the closest wall, he leaned against. The broken glass pieces littered his hair and the ground as the bottle closed the gap between itself and Noya’s shoulder, engraving it with it’s sharp, pointy edges. The boy yelped in scrutinizing pain, as once again the broken bottle met with his frail, defenseless arms, the leftover beer spilling over the newly formed cuts, studded with the remains of bits of glass, merging with the boy’s freshly ripped apart flesh. His vision went blank, with each and every stroke, newly spilled blood painted the floor in all shades of deep burgundy. He was so scared. He struggled immensly to contain himself and the ripping screams of agony. His desperate body twitched away from that last blow, yanking away from her grasp. The boy’s chest haphazardly going up and down, his hands trembling away out of any tempo as his legs stained in dark semi-liquid slime in what felt like an eternity led him out of the door, anywhere farther away from that place, he could no longer call home. Nishinoya kept sprinting into the darkness as fast as his legs managed to take him and before he realized his body went limp falling right to the side of the familiar sand box. By then the clock’s hand was pointing at the ninth marker, it was 9:00 pm, no sound to be heard except for the shuffling of a pair of little shoes, getting closer and closer from a distance.

* * *

-Ahh…- he let out a rather loud sigh of content. Even in spite of the late hour and the still slightly chilly early spring air making his fingers turn full red and a tad numb, Tanaka was still mostly enjoying spending the evening on the way to the Karasuno Eatery, the place his sister spent equally night and day time working at. Since working there was rather time consuming, Ryuu would always try to make a bentou box for his sister and deliver it to her sometime in her break time. It wasn’t far from home in the end, just a short walk through the neighbourhood near the public baths and then the little park Tanaka was just now crossing through. As soon as he actually walked in, a loud empty thud could be heard across from the swings he was passing by at the very second. Tanaka couldn’t just think nothing of it so he started jogging to where the sound just came from. As he closed by, small, hectic gasps became more and more apparent to the ear, while the outline of tiny curled up figure laying on the sand box’s side consumed Tanaka’s attention as he crouched by it’s side only for his eyes to be met with the terror the little boy’s arms where before him. Bloody not fully formed scabs, still engraved in their between bits and pieces of greenish, opalizing glass and the slowly flowing out thick liquid covering the boy’s entire being, created a simply terrifying vision right in front of his very eyes. Ryuu’s hand shivered as he leaned over the boy putting the bentou container aside and cautiously placed his left hand over the brunette’s seemingly unharmed torso. Only a slight more bit of air escaped the wounded boy’s lips as his face lightly scrunched from the sensation. /So his torso was hurt after all/ Tanaka thought to himself, as he tried desperately to figure out how to help the boy up into a position he could safely transport him in to his house. He decided, since his arms were severely damaged, and he was overall more than less conscious, piggyback just couldn’t do, and with that in mind he gently placed his right palm under the boy’s back, griping it delicately yet firmly with the other, reaching for the area under the brunette’s kneecaps and after counting to three he pulled the boy up into his arms, bridal style. Now he could properly see the brunette’s face which in all this bloody mess, was the only thing that looked so peaceful and defenseless. It made Tanaka’s eyes water, pushing the boy’s petite, dressed in only a thin T-shirt torso closer to his own, /he must have been so cold/ the thought crossed his mind as he did so, while at the same time trying not to damage the boy’s arms any further. This way he headed home, forgetting all about his sister and the bentou, all he could honesty think of was the brunette. Not as soon as he would like, yet /well as soon as possible/ he guessed, they arrived at the house’s living room where he placed the boy on top of the fluffy, old couch the Tanaka’s got after the last resident of this apartment. He then jolted in the direction of the first aid kit, also taking some tweezers while he was at it. He knew taking the glass pieces out by hand was both not the best thing to do in this situation and time consuming yet he had no other idea about what he should do. He closed the gap between the boy and himself and started with evaluating the amount of damage done. As much as the cuts and wounds looked rather serious, they were thankfully less severe if you looked at them closely, the pieces of glass mostly outlining the cuts as they were sticked to their sides with blood, some though still bit into the brunette’s skin. He then started of with the first piece of glass, slowly and as lightly as he could, he pulled it out of his shoulder, earning a short gasp from the unconscious boy. Some spilling of dark red blood slowly followed the taking out of the glass bit, yet unlike the boy expected the amount was minuscule, in comparison to his prediction. Encouraged by this he then proceeded to take out the pieces one by one until it was all done by the end of the hour. He decided to sprinkle it with some antiseptic and he stopped there, only putting some fresh bandages over the brunette’s arms and shoulders afterwords. He finally let out the air he didn’t even realize he was holding. He figured out it was best to put the boy in a fresh change of clothes and get him to sleep, presumably on the couch since sleeping on the floor in a thinly layered futon would probably prove to be yet another bad idea. Without giving it a second thought he sprinted the way to his room and got some pajamas out of the closest drawer. Actually not just some pajamas but the pajamas Saeko bought for him as a joke for April Fools’ Day, bright pink, littered with some lovely little daises in an unnatural shade of violet. /After all that has happened tonight this kind of a stress relief was just what they both needed/ he thought, tough he wasn’t exactly certain whether the boy would like what he’d see around the time he wakes up. Still he couldn’t help that the only pajamas that they owned in the boy’s size were this cute, or could he. He ran downstairs towards the boy and careful not rip the bandages of, got him out of his bloodstained pants and top, considering not leaving the underwear intact. Only after he already dressed him in the pajamas, did he realize just what he had almost done, and as if on cue a mad blush tinted his cheeks. /Oh man../ Ryuu almost said as he got himself a pillow to sit on top of, deciding to watch over the boy until he woke up. Of course he fell asleep midway.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not take the actions described in this chapter as proper medical treatment of wounds with foreign bodies (for example glass) in them. Per usual the objects leftover in the wound should be left intact and secured until professional help is available.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

(First year of highschool, before the match against Datekou, the way to the Karasuno gym)

Smudges of morning rain slowly began sliding down the window surface, creating little puddles of mud on the grey pavement, the road signs covered in the tiny drops of dirtied water, and the pettite figure pacing beside the very bus stop sign, underneath it’s yellow waterproof jacket, eating him whole up with it’s size. By then the city council didn’t bother to finance any waiting space anywhere near the bus stop, so soon enough Noya’s hair was pretty much soaking wet from the sudden rainburst, /Not as if the amount of people waiting for any bus was big enough for such a great investition or anything, right/ - he thought as he tried to squeeze himself through the mass of people flocking around the bus door in a rather futile attempt to get on the damn vehicle. Either the highly frequented bus stop or those tiny buses were just too overcrowded to get inside, not to mention surviving a second on them, especialy while arriving at yet another bus stop. /If hell existed it just had to have some damn buses/ - Yuu thought as he gave up on waiting for the next one to arrive and still a tad hesitantly started walking his way to school. Usually it would be no biggie yet in this awfully heavy rain with his leg in full bloom one could say, as his left thigh was completely covered with violet tinted crimson bruises even though now safely under some thick tattoo cocealer walking still hurt like hell with every second step he took, sending up waves of pain through his entire leg lenght. /Just perfect/ - he cursed under his breath, quietly. This one sure brought back memories. /Mmm/ - Noya hummed to himself as he reminisced. The last time one of his legs was covered in this sort of manner, was about two years ago, he was meeting with Ryuu at the time in the bigger park in their neighbourhood. Even tough by then they were so far into their friendship it was actually the first time Noya was being fully honest with him. He just hoped it wouldn’t be the last time.

* * *

(flashback)

The park they choose to meet at this time was actually different from their usual meet up place. They mostly went to the little park with the cool swings since it was on their way to Tanaka’s house, it was also the place where they first met. Yet this time was different, or so Tanaka said. He told him he had something important to talk to him about, so Noya complied. The bigger park was more quiet and simply a better place for such a conversation to be held, so when he proposed a change of place again Noya did not oppose. Soon after evening practice they headed out, neither said a word throughout their walk, the air around them was rather tense, /now that’s unusual/ - the thought crossed Yuu’s mind as he walked step in step with Ryuu in complete silence. After what seemed like eternity to the brunette they finally stepped through the park entrance and walked up to the little close by bridge, looming over a thin yet quick-streamed river, flowing through the grassy park valley. Ryuu took a sit at the bench with the view of the stream, and patted the place beside him, signing for Noya to sit by his side. With a bit of anxiety creeping it’s way over the boy’s back, he swallowed loudly and awkwardly took his place close to the other. -Huh- the blonde sighted, while stretching his arms far behind his back. -I’ll get straight to the point with this Yuu- he began as he turned his head towards the other boy. -Where did you get these bruises from?- he deadpanned, with that piercing gaze of his drilling a hole in Nishinoya’s stomach. He gulped yet again. -Ah, these. Just walked into that spiky cupboard while walking in the dark, that’s all.- Noya tried to laugh it off. -No, Noya. Where do you really get all of these from. Please Yuu…- Tanaka managed to say out loud, muffling that last part but he was sure he wanted to hear the answer. Answering fully though wasn’t an option for Nishinoya. He struggled internally to come up with anything, yet no words came out of his mouth. But Ryuu waited, he waited with that intense stare of his fixed on Yuu’s being, not relenting, not yet ready to let go, not this time, not that easily. Eventually though Yuu decided to tell Ryuu at least what he deserved to know -There are many things that I should tell you Ryuu, but I just can’t. You are the only normal thing in my life, I need for it to stay that way. Could you do that for me Ryuu?- he asked, hope and determination vivid in his eyes. -…Damn….Is there anything I can do?- Tanaka asked, tears welling up in his eyes, the boy trying desperately to conceal it, roughly rubbing at his eyes with the palms of his hands. -Ryuu, I..I’m so sorry Ryuu. Just…, just stay, please. - Nishinoya choked out, a heavy knot starting to form in his throat, he could barely speak. Right after he said that, those strong, always so resolved arms, now trembling ever so slightly were put around him, enveloping him in this familiar yet long forgotten warmth. -..Ryuu..- tears were now streaming down the brunette’s flushed bright red cheeks, he hasn’t felt this relieved since so many years, so safe in Ryuu’s hug. He only wished that moment could last for just a little longer, a little longer.

* * *

(First year of high school, after the match against Datekou, the interior of the Karasuno gym)

-..Damn it!…Kuso!..-the yells of despair could be heard all the way throughout the training hall, sweat and tears mingling together into a bitter mix covering the gym floor of the Karasuno High school right after the match the team played against Date Tech. -Behave yourself Tanaka- Suga reprimanded the boy, yet even through that calm facade, you could see all the pain right through that forced smile of his. Nishinoya just couldn’t take it any longer. He felt so useless, so bloody weak. His leg got in the way of every move he tried to pull of, /still/ - he thought /he couldn’t do a thing right, even in his top form or wasn’t that so/ - his breathing turned laboured, as his heartbeat rapidly increased, hitting against his chest so immensely. He felt like he would burst out crying any second from then, he just couldn’t do it. -Why aren’t you berating me. We lost because of me.- Asahi broke the silence. - No matter how much you followed, if I can’t spike, it’s all for nothing.- he yelled out. -What do you mean „it’s all for nothing”-Yuu answered, pure anger sipping through his words. - Toss to me all you want. I’ll never score.- he replied in a demoted tone. -You don’t know that ’til you spike.- this time Nhishinoya yelled out no longer even capable of containing his emotions as he forcefully grabbed Asahi’s jacket in his hands. -Maybe the next one will score- he continued, while Ashi pushed him back onto the lining the floor mop, causing it to break under the pressure. -I kept the ball in the air. It’s not your place to give up.- he forced out as Tanaka tried desperately to hold him back. -Your serve was amazing then, too. …But… I’m not the one who can score points. I can’t attack…I don’t care if your spikes don’t score. I would never berate you in the least. But I won’t stand for you giving up so easily.- he said, now already out of Tanaka’s safety hold. At that Asahi left, not saying a word more. Yuu’s entire body trembled out of anguish. It felt like he just couldn’t get enough air inside his system, he was suffocating. Not waiting a while longer he jolted out through the nearest exit, not wanting to break down in front of them all, running away at the verge of a panic attack. Tanaka didn’t waver either, as soon as the brunette left, he sprinted right after him, only yelling a brief goodbye in the direction of the team as he ran. He finally caught sight of Yuu as they were running along side the closest crossroads, he was running towards the little park, just like Tanaka had expected. He quickened his pace, and in a matter of seconds he caught up to Nishinoya, strongly grabbing his slender wrist in his wide palm. His eyebrows scrunched up, as he saw Yuu grimace at the contact. Yet again he failed to notice what was wrong with the person he held most dear to him. /Which time was it already? After all these years was that all I was good for/ - he reflected, his heart sinking only further at the thought. /No. I must help Yuu. Even if I chose to trust him, to be what he thought he needed, I must protect Yuu, no matter the cost/ - he resolved. Yet Nishinoya didn’t seem to be intending to stay in this position they found themselves in when Tanaka caught him, as he tried to wriggle out of his hold. As much as he didn’t want to do it, Tanaka only strengthened his grip, not much to Yuu’s liking. -Ryuu, let me go- he said hardly loud enough to be heard. -I won’t Yuu.- Tanaka replied, not sure enough about what he should actually say. -Please be honest with me. I can’t stand waiting anymore doing nothing when you’re in pain.- he proceeded, as once again he was met with silence, just like two years ago. -Ryuu…-Nishinoya pressed his eyelids shut, as if he was trying to hold something in, something very heavy. Suddenly he freed his hand from Tanaka and was just about to turn away when Tanaka’s palms cupped his face in gentle yet decisive manner, having their foreheads touch, refusing to let go. -Nishinoya Yuu. I won’t budge until you tell me exactly what’s going on. No matter what I won’t ever leave you, I’ll stay by your side whether you want it or not and now you’re going to tell me everything I ought to know. I care too much about you to let you hurt alone any longer that I already have, being the complete idiot I am. So please Yuu..- he said, his gaze tracing every movement, every inch of Noya, his quivering lips, his now downcast, yet always full of determination irises, his perky, slightly freckled nose and his forever messy, stiff from all the gel hair, that just looked so good on him. Too put it bluntly Tanaka just couldn’t take his eyes off of Noya. -…My mother, I love her so much Ryuu, I don’t ever want to see her hurting…Sometimes, sometimes she gets so impulsive and I..I can’t help it.. I’m so useless…- he voice jittered as his mind trailed of into the dark depths of his restless mind. -I’m so ridiculously pathetic!- he yelled while gasping for air as tears filled his open widely in search for oxygen mouth. Tanaka with eyes newly filled to the brim with terror, was putting all his best efforts into trying not to let his vision swim from all the water now spilling through his eyelids, yet to no avail. -..Yuu…your mother, she, what does she do when she gets like this, wha..what does she do to you?- he croaked out, with a hoarse from all the tears voice, he could barely contain himself. -I..Ryuu..I..I can’t…please Ryuu.- the brunette squealed miserably. -She hits you doesn’t she, she harms you over and over again and I have never done a thing!- Ryuu almost shouted, when he said it aloud. |Silence| -Ryuu, I..I’m so sorry..I..ha..I..ha..akh- he was having trouble breathing, now turning into full out coughing fit. Ryuu tried to somehow make Noya breathe slower, rubbing tiny circles on his back. -It’s okay Yuu, it’s gonna be just fine.- he tried calming the other boy down even if just a bit. After about ten minutes, the breathing finally seemed to have slowed down to a more reasonable yet still rather quick pace. Yuu was now in Tanaka’s full embrace, through the temporary mind fog like state he was in not even realising when it had happened. -Do you want to try standing up for a little, Yuu?- Ryuu asked with a gentle look on his now puffy from all the crying face. -Mhmm..- the boy hummed quietly into the other’s shoulder. -Let’s go then- Tanaka said with a new found smile on his face, as he helped Noya up into a standing stance and they slowly headed in the direction of their gym, their fingers lightly intertwined with each other’s.

After only a couple of minutes they arrived at the training hall’s entrance, and went in towards the gym’s storage to fix the mess Noya and Asahi made as a result of their fight. It hasn’t really occurred to them that it’s already been half an hour since their disappearance and that had their team members worried sick for them as they sprinted out so suddenly. Also their hands were still held close together. So to their surprise as soon as they walked in, Suga came rushing towards them, with an apprehensive look on his face. -Tanaka, just what on earth happened. Are you both okay?- He glanced worriedly upon Noya, his gaze jumping fast in between the two boys sheepishly standing in front of him as they tried to entangle their fingers from one another. - Sorry for causing so much trouble Suga-san. We’re just fine now.- he answered slightly bashful in his not entirely true words. -Hmm…Your eyes are so puffy though.. Are you two sure you’d like to practice for the last 30 minutes. If you’re not feeling up for it, you could just skip for today, it’s really not a problem.- the silver-head continued this time with a more cheerful at the two boy’s awkwardness expression. -I think we’re going to stay even if it’s just these 30 minutes, I just gotta grab my gym bag from the club room.- Ryuu exclaimed as he motioned towards the exit, lightly squeezing Nishinoya’s little finger with his own for encouragement, not even considering Sugawara’s presence. As soon as he did so he could feel Yuu squeezing him back, just shortly enough to leave for the changing rooms right before Suga could process just what exactly had happened. After he had gone, Tanaka’s smile faded ever so slightly. -Actually Suga-san. I have something important to take care of, could you please tell Noya for me that I had to go on ahead?- he asked fully intent on carrying out the plan he came up with on their way back to the gym. -If you say so Tanaka, I’m sure it’s a really pressing matter. I’m gonna pass it over to Noya-san, so you can rest easy. Be safe on your way though, okay?- the silver-head replied with that trademark smile of his. -Sure Suga-san. See you tomorrow then.- the blonde shouted as he was already on the go. -Goodnight Tanaka- Suga’s words could be heard as Tanaka walked out and speed up in the direction of the Nishinoya household.

* * *

(25 minutes after Tanaka’s heading out, the Nishinoya household)

It’s been nearly half an hour since Tanaka has started his brisk walk to Yuu’s house, yet even though he turned to running the last kilometre, /it still took me too long/ - he cursed silently. He was now standing right before Noya’s porch, breathing heavily from his short lived run. He wasn’t hesitant tough instead being set on doing this from a truly long time, now he has finally found the courage to face Yuu’s dark past head-first and fully. He soon stepped through the front gate and proceeded towards the main doors. He took a deep breather, fixed his training shirt, and eventually knocked on the old-styled door frame. He did not have to wait too long, as in just a couple of seconds the door was flung open by no other than Ms. Nishinoya. There she was standing in her pinkish shirt, beige set of jacket and trousers and high-heeled rosy shoes, looking like the business woman she supposedly was to everyone else, everyone but her son and Ryuu. Something was off though and yet again Tanaka didn’t have to wait long at all to figure out what it was about her that made him so uneasy. Those eyes, they were basically swimming from all the alcohol her gaze wondering all over Tanaka’s body. -Yoichi, is that you?- she muttered under her nose, nearly tripping over her own legs as she tried to take hold of the blonde’s hand. At her failure to do so, her irises shrinked as she once again, this time with much more force directed her hand at Ryuu’s upper arm. The second time Tanaka did not have as much luck in dodging the stretched out in his direction hand and shortly he could feel a firm grip over his already beginning to bruise shoulder. -Yoichi.. I..I was waiting Yoichi..- she was slurring her own words as she took hold of the boy’s other shoulder, pinning him hard against the wall. With that his head hit the flat surface hard, and the world began spinning before Ryuu’s eyes. Before he even started regaining his composure, a loud and forced out exhale escaped his mouth, as he felt the blow in his gut, twirl around his intestines, making his legs go weak as he slowly and painfully slid down the wall against his back. He tried crawling away even if just a little to the side to escape the source of his suffering, that couldn’t have stopped Asuka tough, as she let out a sickening to Tanaka’s already pulsating with the throbbing ache stomach laughter. She repeatedly punched a hole in Ryuu’s gut as he let out dulled out screams from the affliction. He couldn’t even keep his mind intact as scrutinising punches turned into even worse if possible kicks and solid pushes around the entire room. His mind was nearly shut out when the torment seized all of a sudden. Ms. Nishinoya stabilised his body from falling over, and closed the distance in between their faces in what seemed like an instant. Before he could even gasp at the action, Ms. Nishinoya parted his lips with her own, her tongue tasting of all the alcohol, mostly some disgusting bear-like beverages. There was no way of protest, no way of going back now, yet Tanaka just couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision to step into that house, he needed to know just how much Yuu’s been hurting for all these damn years without his so much needed help. He also wanted proof, for the police and now he very much got it. /..Damn../ he thought as he felt all of the pent up tension pour out of his eyes, in the form of fresh hot tears. The last things he managed to make out before pitch-black darkness enveloped him in it’s tight embrace was the door flying open, Ms. Nishinoya’s passed out body someplace by his side and Yuu’s concerned face looming over his own. He just wandered where that frown on the brunette’s face came from.

* * *

(the next day, the nearby hospital)

The hospital’s all too bright lights were now brought aflicker, as the morning hours rolled by slowly, and the shifts changed quickly, a mass of doctors and nurses alike flooding down the corridor. Yuu was now nearly dozing of on the hospital chair on the side of Tanaka’s hospital bed. Even though the doctors said Ryuu would be just fine in a few days, Noya just couldn’t help worrying over the so close to him boy. Soon he got so lost in though he almost failed to notice Ryuu’s slowly beginning to break apart eyelids. They must have felt too heavy cause the blonde seemed to struggle immensely in trying to open his eyes up. -Urghh..,Nghnn..- he groaned as his eyes finally went fully open and as soon as they did, he noticed Nishinoya sitting there on an uncomfortable looking chair right beside him. -..Yuu..what the heck is going on here..?- Ryuu muffled in between his pointless attempts to try and sit up. -Well, Mister Blond Bald Cut, you’ve got four broken ribs and some damn internal bleeding, yet you still muster up the idiocy to try and get up, that’s what’s going on if you will.- Nishinoya couldn’t help but straight out make fun of the blonde, deep down he was an awful meanie after all. As expected not long after he said it, that all too well known to Noya pout found it’s way onto Ryuu’s face and stayed there for a good couple of minutes. -Then Mister Hundred And Fifty Nine Centimetres, tell me, what exactly would happen if I pressed this button- he gestured towards the nurse caller. -Don’t you dare go and press that button on me Ryuu.- Noya jumped out of his own chair and soon regretted making the sudden movement as his leg was still reminding him about itself rather painfully. Before he even managed to somehow limp towards the other boy’s side, the nurse was already standing in the middle of the entrance. -Hello, boys. I’m nurse Matsuoka Kou. What can I help you with?- the red haired nurse said as she approached them. -Matsuoka-san, Have you examined Yuu already? I’m sure he must have had his ribs broken way more than once, and he never got any medical attention so could you please look into it for me, pretty please?- Tanaka shouted out in one exhale, as Nishinoya tried desperately to cut him off somewhere in the middle, preying for the worst to never come. Obviously it just had to. -Oh dear, you haven’t reported that to us last night have you. In this case would mind coming with me for a second. I’m sure if this is the case it shouldn’t take too long to arrange an X-ray for you. /Great/ - You cursed internally as he obediently followed the nurse out of the room, only stopping to sent a last „thank you” glare at Tanaka’s silly face. He just had to be smirking. Soon enough the X-ray and the incoming police calls ended up landing him in a bloody hospital bed right beside no other than Tanaka Ryuunosuke. He would so pay him back one day for this entire mess. For now though…-Ryuu?- he asked quietly. -What is it Yuu?- Tanaka replied with a curious look painting his face. Yuu checked if there were no nurses around and quickly got out of his own bed and snuck up in between Tanaka’s sheets. One could already see that blush tinting Tanaka’s cheeks even more with each passing second from miles away. Nishinoya attempted to to hide his own embarrassment, while burying his face in Ryuu’s torso yet that only seemed to make it worse and worse, as the burgundy flush spread right over his hot face. -Ryuu, I..I love you.- he whispered into the boy’s heated upper body. His fingers quivered as they clutched onto the other boy’s sleeping gown. The silence terrified him and just when he attempted to look up to see Ryuu’s reaction, his hands enveloped him in a warm embrace. Everything went fuzzy, as the two of them snuggled closely to each other seeking out each other’s warmths. When Yuu finally looked up, Tanaka’s rasp lips brushed against his own in a delicate caress. Right then the room door flew open and the boys rushingly parted only to see Suga standing there with a dumbstruck expression. Soon enough though that expression turned into a smug smirk, as their senpai closed the door to their room while giving them a bloody thumbs up with one hand and pressing the door with the other. Their blushes only deepened at the action and soon they were actual bursting out laughing. -..Me too.- Tanaka whispered back as he gave him a short peck on the nose. /His blush doesn't seems to be going anywhere anytime soon./ - Yuu thought fondly as he reminisced. -I wish I could play for my mother again sometime- he said as he snuggled closer into Tanaka's arms. - he didn't stay awake long enough to hear the answer, yet this was the first time in so many years when he could fall asleep completely safely. This time it wasn’t just a short-lived mirage. They would make it a reality.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for sticking with me on this messy fic. I hope you enjoyed it at least a little. Also a thank you to my lovely sister who helped me with figuring out the last chapter and doing the spell-checking for me. If you have any ideas for future fics you'd like for me to write I'd love to hear them in the comment section. For now that's about it. Have a lovely day/night or any other time.<3


End file.
